He had quit his job in Nanjing, Jiangsu Province and flown home to Guizhou Province just before this year's Chinese New Year holidays to come out as gay to his mother. Working so far from his hometown, Spring Festival was the only opportunity he had to speak to his mother face to face. That night, Liu showed her two films, one about the wives of gay men and another about coming out to one's parents. After watching the films, his mother asked him, "Are you trying to tell me you're like that? Then he saw his mother's eyes start to fill up with tears.
The film is about how a gay man took a year to gain the acceptance of his parents after coming out to them. It emphasized that the love between family members should be the most important thing, rather than sexuality.
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Liu is one of many people who chose to come out to their parents during the recent Chinese New Year celebrations. According to conversations on an online forum dedicated to the problems faced by gay Chinese people, some of those people were inspired to come out after seeing the PFLAG film.
But while they were able to come out during the holidays, the struggle for acceptance will last beyond the festival. In China, many parents still don't have any knowledge of homosexuality. The traditional emphasis on filial piety and the expectation most have that their children will marry and have offspring sometimes turns family members against each other. The push of the holidays Liu had planned for months to come out to his parents during the Chinese New Year holidays, taking the opportunity offered by the once-a-year gathering.
The film tells the story of a gay man who comes out to his parents during the holidays and faces rejection from his parents. The film was released on various websites, including video-streaming sites Youku and YouTube, and it instantly went viral. Hu received many messages from young homosexuals over Chinese New Year seeking advice on how to deal with their parents. After the movie came out, he created a chat group on the Wechat instant messaging app for people to discuss their experiences.
No gentle way Many parents react with denial when their children tell them about their homosexuality. After crying silently for a while, Liu's mother asked him "How could I have had a son like you? Hu said many who came to him for help during the holidays had violent reactions from their family members.
One of the men who came out to his parents was kicked and punched by his father. After he ran out of the house and sought refuge with a friend, his father sent him a text message threatening to kill him. For Quan Qin, year-old biology student at a university in Beijing from Xuzhou, Jiangsu Province, even though his father didn't hurt him physically, he said hurtful things that Quan cannot forget.
But now how are we supposed to accept you? Upon finding out he has a gay son, Quan's father cried, shouted, and drank heavily late into the night. In the following months Quan constantly received long lectures from his father about family and duty. His father believed that Quan "chose to like boys" because he's young and doesn't understand the duties he is expected to fulfill as a good Chinese son. Over the last year, his parents have tried to "turn back" their son, including having relatives and friends bombard him with phone calls, consulting with hospitals and researching ways to "cure" homosexuality online.
In October, Quan was forced to go to see a fortune teller. His father heard through the grapevine that there was a woman in Xuzhou who could "work magic" and dragged Quan home.
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The woman was in her 60s and rented out an apartment to be her work studio. There was an altar in the corner, on it stood statues of all the gods from the extended Chinese pantheon. One of them is year-old Lucy, a British student who is studying Mandarin in Shanghai. She has been in China for just under a year, and has dated only Chinese guys. We met in M2. Lucy felt that Peter was too shy to tell her what he wanted from their relationship, and that she was doing all the groundwork. It made me feel somehow unfeminine. It was a different experience altogether.
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So would Lucy date other Chinese men? I find Chinese guys really cute, physically. I love China and Chinese culture, so it makes sense that I like Chinese men. Right yet. The second friend of mine to receive a grilling on the issue of Chinese boyfriends was Paul. Half French and half German, year-old Paul lived in Shanghai for a year doing an internship, and has been out of the closet since he was He thinks that Chinese guys are "warm, patient, and devoted", and says that they believe in relationships, unlike western gay guys who are more into sleeping around.
He has never encountered any homophobia in Shanghai, even when holding hands with guys in public. Paul dated a Hangzhou guy called Fei for six months. That was until Fei turned 24 and his parents decided it was time for him to ditch Paul and settle down with a wife. Fei had no choice. They either live with their parents or with their wives, so there is a lot of secrecy surrounding gay relationships.
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Blind eyes are definitely turned in a lot of cases. I also spoke to some other female friends of mine who have never dated or fancied Chinese guys. There is no general consensus. One girl blames physical incompatibility.
Another friend cites the place of Chinese women in society as her reason for steering clear of Chinese guys. Australian Jess says she would happily date a Chinese guy, if one would show interest. So in conclusion, it clearly pays to keep an open mind about dating, in every respect. Who knows — your perfect guy might be just around the corner, and he may be Chinese. To receive career advice, articles and job alerts in China. Tell us a little about yourself so we can customize your site experience. All comments are subject to moderation by eChinacities. Because we wish to encourage healthy and productive dialogue we ask that all comments remain polite, free of profanity or name calling, and relevant to the original post and subsequent discussion.
Comments will not be deleted because of the viewpoints they express, only if the mode of expression itself is inappropriate. Please login to add a comment. Click here to login immediately. Apr 14, Report Abuse. There seems to be a different standard of masculinity here, I have issues even being 'bros' with han guys. No issues with Mongol or Uyghur just Han. Apr 11, Report Abuse. Anyone, Foreigner male or female, who are dreaming of dating or worse, marrying a Chinese man or woman is just crazy, dumb, stupid or high as a kite!!
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