So it's just being creative and using regular good business practices, and the money follows from that. Where do you draw the line with extreme requests from clients? Or is it just a case of, "That'll cost you another grand"? Things like bodily fluids and bondage on the receiving end are a no-no.
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Being in control is very important. Anything unsafe is off the menu, regardless of price.
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You prefer the term "escort" to "sex worker. The business has changed since the advent of the internet. The term "escort" covers more areas. For example, sex happens, but sex doesn't always happen. I have disabled clients who can only cuddle or chat; I have clients who want companionship in non-sexual ways.
And a lot of escorts now are true entrepreneurs.
If someone disagrees with that, I would say, "Why? This is a capitalist country after all. Everything is OK to sell except for sex and companionship? That's just bizarre. Where I'm from, in America, there are a lot of Christian fundamentalists who would label you "bizarre" for being an escort. What would you say to the people who make those kinds of moral judgments about you? I am very spiritual, believe it or not.
But I don't buy the dogma. I keep it simple. The universe has laws. It's always expanding, growing; everything is in a constant state of change. It must love all things equally if it created everything and creation is done out of love. I don't think you can create from hate.
Do you feel society stigmatizes you, as a male escort, less than it does your female counterparts? Oh, trust me, I still take flak—and occasional death threats. But it's much easier for males in my line of work. But among the bisexual guys I've dated, many have said they would never date a woman who did what I do, yet they'll date me. When they explain, it comes to down to general sexism. You've compared being a sex worker to a psychologist. What have you learned about the human psyche from your clients? As a gay escort, learning how many people believe that "fitting in" is more important than personal happiness is the biggest eye opener.
Many of my clients have a lot of repressed feelings and desires—and not only older clients.
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I'm still amazed how many young 18—year-old clients still feel they "have to" get married and yet don't want to. It's also quite evident how nationality and race affects those beliefs. Then there's a lot of clients who bring up early sexual experiences they need to relive and express feelings they've never talked about with anyone. Do you feel you've helped any of these people in some deeper way?
With a client in New York I met weekly over a few months, the effect the experience had on him—he was questioning everything, and he told me on our last meeting how his life had changed because of our time. He was happier. Family life, business, everything got better. He said he felt like he dealt with things that were beneath the surface. I've had lots of experiences like that, and those are the best in my opinion.
You're campaigning to promote the legitimacy of sex work in the hopes it will lessen its stigma. What change do you want to see? It's about creating a safer environment. If no one talks about sex work publicly, it could continue to go deeper underground, which will only make it more dangerous for people forced into sex work against their will.
It's about recognizing that some of us are business people yet others aren't in it by choice—and they shouldn't be ignored.
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Which brings us to the charity you work with: The National Ugly Mugs scheme. What to they do? The NUM is very important and unique.
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