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Decades ago when gay people faced ostracism and the threat of prosecution in the UK and other Western nations, many chose to marry and disguise their sexuality. But even with increased tolerance now some choose to take the same path.

Grindr removes 'ethnicity filter' after complaints

He thinks his wife had suspicions about his sexuality for years, but things came to a head when he had an affair with a man. She's my best friend really above all else, so we've decided we would like to remain together as best friends," he says. Nick isn't his real name - many of the couple's friends and family don't know he's gay and he wants to remain anonymous to protect his wife. From the beginning, there was unhappiness in the marriage, with doubts about whether they had made the right decision.

He'd always felt uncertain about his sexual orientation and this troubled him more and more as he got older.

Like many men in his situation, Nick, a nurse, found himself living a double life. On the surface he was a happily married man, but he was also using gay pornography. He'd get drunk with a gay friend and, he says, "events took their course". His wife was angry and upset when she found out about six years ago, and Nick knew there was no point denying the truth any longer. Nick acknowledges it would have been better for her if he had admitted sooner that he was gay and needed to act upon it.

10 years of Grindr: A rocky relationship

She told him she was disappointed that he hadn't been able to trust her enough to be honest with her, and that if she had known she would have accepted it. The couple chose to stay together not for the sake of children - they don't have any - but because of their feelings for each other. While the couple have stayed together, they no longer have a physical relationship and sleep separately. Nick has promised his wife that he will never again have sex or a relationship with a man - he says he owes it to her.


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But can he stick to that promise? He says: "I'm hoping so, it's my intention to. It didn't feel like a choice in the past, it felt like it was enforced on me.

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I'm now making that choice that I would like to, in a sense, remain celibate. Nick is a member of a support group called Gay Married Men, based in Manchester and founded 10 years ago. Men travel from around the country to attend meetings. Group founder John says most of the men are older - they married women in the s and 80s when society was more hostile to gay people.

In February, at a queer club night for Black and Asian people, one party-goer showed me how black men did not appear on his Grindr until the white men had been filtered out. Grindr is not the only LGBT dating app to allow filtering by race. The spotlight will now move to others that have yet to take a similar stance.

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On 29 May, Grindr had tweeted "Demand justice. BlackLivesMatter", with a link to further information. This had prompted several users to accuse the company of hypocrisy. Grindr later deleted its own tweet and on 1 June posted a new message explaining its change of position. We will not be silent. Black Lives Matter. Several companies have posted messages of their own featuring the hashtag BlackLivesMatter following six consecutive days of protests across the United States.

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The events were sparked by the killing of George Floyd - a black man who died after a white officer continued kneeling on is neck even after he had pleaded that he could not breathe. While some Grindr users welcomed the removal of the filter, others said the company had taken too long to implement the change, and had done the "bare minimum".

Do NOT applaud Grindr for this. That filter should never have existed, doing this because a guys tweet went viral is NOT the reason.

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Why do gay apps struggle to stop catfish? Grindr specialises in dating for gay, bisexual, trans, and queer people. Today, change happened.

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